Overcome Loneliness

Western society has developed in a way that the sense of community has disappeared and we have become strongly individualistic. Societal stress has increased and people are working long hours with increased career-pressures while living in a fast-paced world Loneliness is a major problem in western society as a result of the difficulties many of us have in getting close to others and sustaining intimate relationships. Instead, our lifestyle offers endless activities in pursuit of pleasure – from clubbing to the movies – although they distract only momentarily from our sense of isolation. Alienation stems from a lack of connection with others, and it leaves you feeling separate even in company. You can suffer from inner loneliness whether your life is full and busy or seemingly empty.

By definition, loneliness is not a mood disorder. However, if you are lonely it’s not uncommon to experience other related mood disorders such stress, anxiety and depression. Sadly, conventional medicine tends to reduce these psychological problems to the mere biochemical level and many people suffering loneliness end up taking anti-depressant drugs. Unfortunately, in addition to unwanted side-effects, the drugs only hide their problems and treatment often fails to address the real underlying problem.
People try to cope with their loneliness in different ways. Some of them are negative coping mechanisms such as:

–        Spending a lot of time alone by choice

–        Avoiding parties and places where people gather

–        Never inviting people into your home

–        Addictions that temporarily cover up the loneliness but create bigger monster worries for the future.

–        Sleeping more and staying home more.

–        Spending excessive time on the internet, chatting on forums, blogs and seeking friendships only through the internet.

–        Taking over the counter medicines that relax us while trying to cover up the feelings of isolation.

–        Refusing to get out and meet new people

–        Acting out our anger instead of defusing it with logic and reason or asking for help from a professional

–        spending excessive time at work where work becomes the focal point of your life and neglecting other areas of your life

–        Ignoring loneliness altogether, escaping or hiding your feelings

Loneliness can be caused by a number of different reasons. It is sometimes triggered by life-changing events. It could happen as a result of conditions such as grief and other types of personal loss in our lives. Or it could be a slow, gradual realization that you have been isolated, abused or alienated for some time by people who are supposed to love you and be there for you.

Other common causes of loneliness are peer rejection, poor self-esteem, unemployment, loss of a loved one, separation, illness, just to name a few.

The first step to overcoming loneliness is to understand what it is caused by. Sometimes the underlying problem is not as obvious and some soul-searching is needed to understand the true causes. Many people look at their reasons for loneliness by giving “blame” to something – or someone. Blaming society, blaming their parents, blaming their poor relationship and so on. It is important to realize that blame is very disempowering and immediately takes away the responsibility for yourself, the power to take action and the power to change your situation.

The very most important thing to do is the realization that you CAN do something about your loneliness, no matter what your circumstances may be, no matter what it is caused by.

So stop the blame, stop escaping your problem, stop hiding from it, stop doing all those ‘negative coping’ mechanisms that don’t work for you in the long term.

There are better and more effective ways to cope with loneliness and it goes beyond ‘call a friend’ (what if you don’t have any?) or ‘meet someone at the singles club’, or ‘go and see a movie’. They may be positive ways in dealing with loneliness, but overcoming loneliness is a process of change that goes way beyond that. It is a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance and understanding of yourself or your situation and as a RESULT, you will find yourself  starting to do all of those things which will get you out of your emotional isolation for good.

One of the healing strategies – and you can apply this immediately if you want to – is to become your own best friend. Who wants to be your friend anyway, if you can’t be a friend to yourself? No matter where you are or what you do, realize that:

–        You choose how to act

–        You choose what to say

–        You choose whom to be with

–        You choose what to believe

–        You choose what to think

So in becoming your own first best friend, look at yourself in the mirror and nurture your soul by saying to yourself –out loud- only good things about yourself – yes, even if you are a male. And if you can’t think of any, the more reason you should do this exercise and the more reason you can benefit from the strategies which you can find in my book “Overcoming Loneliness”

Some examples of what you can say are:

“I appreciate myself for…” (your lovely curly hair, your friendly character, all that I do, etc)

“I am proud of… (something you have done in the past)

“I love and approve of myself”

“I deserve the best and accept it now”

“I experience, give and receive love”

And don’t forget – it has to be done by fully engaging yourself, with all your emotion and expression. The power of this technique should not be underestimated, and the effects it has to your mind and body.

These is just on of the many ways that I recommend to people who are suffering from loneliness.

If you want to learn more about how you can cope with loneliness, you can download the e-book from my website. Go to homepage: www.overcomeloneliness.com

This entry was posted on Friday, May 9th, 2008 at 10:59 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.